MORE FUN

MY DRUG

having fun with the camera and the man

翔

happy 29th birthday, baby.

fly high and soar!

OH IT'S HERE

An opportunity for a sabbathical vac has knocked at my door.
should I or should I not? While parents and shinpe aren't exactly on my team, sho gave me a green light. How awesome and sweet can my boyfriend be?

OKAERI

welcome home, baby. how i've missed you.

sad that i couldn't be the one seeing you home.

OFF YOU GO

i'll see you soon, in 9 hours, on the other side of the world. missing you already.

HERE WE GO AGAIN

meeting him again was almost bizarre. for a moment, he seemed to be like a stranger to me. everything about him was new and foreign yet familiar, do you get what i mean?

alcohol + ex = lethal. but i guess sometimes we need some guts booster to help to get what we desire.

with a couple of things that have their air cleared, sho and i are in the process of starting afresh again. we are going to be more careful this time.

addendum: yes, shinpe showed me the mag yesterday. and no, my decision wasn't solely influenced by that. lol. though i have to say it does add some points.

YOU WILL NEVER SEE WHAT I SAW

rei and shuuhei had choices but they opt to work this christmas so it's a quiet one again this year.

parents are off for an american christmas and word has it that oli's hosting them. ellie's back in hkg. shin's having a hawaiian christmas til new year's eve. sounds like a lonely xmas for us eh?

to tell the truth, i quite look forward to this weekend. i mean not that i'm complaining but i've been constantly accompanied and i never had a quiet time of my own since the break up. i know it doesn't really make sense to so called mourn over it but hey there were good times too and i'm human. he had a special place in my heart and i know clearly that i meant something to him too. i guess we were caught in a mud created by lingering feelings and temptations.

i've always been blessed since birth. having to have grew up half of my life in australia, i experienced the differences of people and cultures. while i'm proud to be a japanese, i wouldn't want to be stuck there as you know how that part of the world is. after grad, i had the privilege to travel. people who don't know me well have a very different impression of me. being raised out of japan and having both parents as doctors, they tend to think that i'm a spoiled princess. i don't blame them, really. it's a by-product derived from my affinity towards fine and expensive material. well, what they don't know is that i bought many of those stuff with my own hard-earned money. i worked damn hard to be where i am now.

my decision to join un left them gobsmacked but they went to the extend of saying that it was just a facade. what they didn't know didn't hurt me for i know exactly what i wanted in life. my years in war and despair-ridden areas showed the worst side of humanity and it did me well. stripping the luxurious side of me to join un was and will always be one of the best decisions i've ever made. while i witnessed poverty, pain, despair, selfishness, loss of faith, cruelty and monstrosity of humankind, i experienced hope, faith, kindness, humbleness and love. that kept me human and sane.

it was also then when i met the love of my life. we shared the same vision and had the same goal but god had other plans for us so he took doug away to be his side. coming back to japan isn't something i planned for and to be frank, isn't something i wanted. while i looked happy exterior, i longed to be out there again. i guess you could say it was like a drug. i suppressed it, convincing myself to let myself learn new things. dad set my path to be a doctor when i was young and for the second time in my life, he set another path for me and i felt almost useless. winning the award made things smoother for me. it was a recognition that many finally accepted of me. it affirmed my position and status.

the now me, well, is something i want and not want to be. things are too easy for me to obtain. everything's laid out for me. but something's missing. perhaps that is why i decided to work on xmas. i missed those times when my sole purpose was definite.

sorry if this is too heavy for the festive season. ^^

BLOWING OFF THAT FLICKER OF FLAME

sho s.

i don't understand. you played the game and you got what you wanted. it hurt me for a little while but hey, i saw coming long before. there were signs. while i let them past me, i was prepared. i feel sorry that oli did what she did to you but then again, you deserved it.

after all these, saying sorry doesn't matter anymore. it doesn't make a difference. i could do a lot of things to bring you down but i didn't. and i won't. you have my word. i don't want to play dirty. it's clear it isn't worth to soil my hands. i let you have it. i don't believe in firsts, seconds or thirds. i'm born and raised to be the one and only.

still, i don't understand, but you know what, i don't have to understand. i just need to let you go. and i did that the day you unfolded your game. you should let me go too.

rei k.

FOR REI. FROM SHO.

before he left for osaka.

JUST BECAUSE

sho.

HE AND I

it's funny how things progressed between us. i remembered very vividly the first day i met him. he left me a very funny and deep impression. with his status, i just thought it was going to be a hi and bye thing. i was proved wrong when we met again last july. i was pleasantly surprised we had things in common. we constantly kept in touch while i was posted to ny and then chad. i didn't realise how much impact i had on him. i wasn't sure how my feelings back then but after seeing him making effort to spend time with me after returning to tokyo despite his crazy schedule, my feelings grew deeper. he was more than what i thought he was when i first met him. we may not be able to date normally as normal couples do but i'm happy. how our schedule fits wonderfully is a blessing. night drives and stay-in during the day are sweet memories.

i'm happy when he's there. no matter where we are,we still have fun an enjoy each other's company. that's what matters the most.

5x10

mr. surprise outdone himself spectacularly last night and is surpremely pooped today. i'm very proud of him. his wishes are my commands today. :)

BECAUSE WE WERE LAZY AND HAD NO WHERE TO GO

sho and i went to edo-tokyo museum, 江戸東京博物. very unusual.

me by sho.

OF YOU AND I

RARE TREAT

while sho and i love going out but many a time we'll find ourselves just driving around. the consequence can be a bit of a shock and very stressful for both of us, more for him as a matter of fact. plus i feel really bad when shit happens. however, we took a risk at a trip to yokohama chinatown few nights ago and it was just perfect. we strolled down the streets with ease and i even managed to concentrate taking pictures. it was the most perfect date since we started dating early march.

12.03.2009

it's a day to remember. :)

A YEAR AFTER

and i still miss you.

BLISS

engaged.

it happened yesternight. :D

ALL IS WELL

i almost never update this blog when i'm deployed but i know not why i just feel like doing it today. coincidentally, he and i have some free time today so we spent the day quietly at the local hotel which was owned by a malaysian and they serve many malaysian dishes for dinner, which reminded me of mom so i utilised the business centre to skype her.
it's almost funny that how doug and i ended up here in sudan together. looking back, we've known each other since we were, what, 11? we were downright nasty at each other back then and luck had it that we were stuck in the same school and same class until year 11. even after then, when i was in tokyo, we did get casual updates about each other through mutual friends. i went for medicine so was he, but of a different kind. he was aiming for raamc. 5 years later without any contact, god made us meet again. it had to be the weirdest thing that happened in the weirdest place; afghanistan. it gave a whole level of meaning to 'love knows no boundaries' for us. also it made my first fieldwork easier because of him. fast forward, it's been a year since the fateful meeting and we are going strong. in between he's stationed home while i flew to sydney as often as i could. mysteriously, we got our deployment to sudan at almost the same time.
he had changed so much since i left for tokyo. he wasn't the boy i couldn't see eye to eye. instead he was absolutely charming and charismatic that literally swept me off feet. of course, the fact that i always get to see him in fatigues is a major plus point.
like today, he surprised me with a day trip to the hotel as his idea of pampering me. we are at the point where i know what he wants and he me. it is so comfortable to just talk to him without me hesitating over my choice of words and choice of topics. despite geographically-challenged, our life is simply blissful.