Bahn

YOU WILL NEVER SEE WHAT I SAW

rei and shuuhei had choices but they opt to work this christmas so it's a quiet one again this year.

parents are off for an american christmas and word has it that oli's hosting them. ellie's back in hkg. shin's having a hawaiian christmas til new year's eve. sounds like a lonely xmas for us eh?

to tell the truth, i quite look forward to this weekend. i mean not that i'm complaining but i've been constantly accompanied and i never had a quiet time of my own since the break up. i know it doesn't really make sense to so called mourn over it but hey there were good times too and i'm human. he had a special place in my heart and i know clearly that i meant something to him too. i guess we were caught in a mud created by lingering feelings and temptations.

i've always been blessed since birth. having to have grew up half of my life in australia, i experienced the differences of people and cultures. while i'm proud to be a japanese, i wouldn't want to be stuck there as you know how that part of the world is. after grad, i had the privilege to travel. people who don't know me well have a very different impression of me. being raised out of japan and having both parents as doctors, they tend to think that i'm a spoiled princess. i don't blame them, really. it's a by-product derived from my affinity towards fine and expensive material. well, what they don't know is that i bought many of those stuff with my own hard-earned money. i worked damn hard to be where i am now.

my decision to join un left them gobsmacked but they went to the extend of saying that it was just a facade. what they didn't know didn't hurt me for i know exactly what i wanted in life. my years in war and despair-ridden areas showed the worst side of humanity and it did me well. stripping the luxurious side of me to join un was and will always be one of the best decisions i've ever made. while i witnessed poverty, pain, despair, selfishness, loss of faith, cruelty and monstrosity of humankind, i experienced hope, faith, kindness, humbleness and love. that kept me human and sane.

it was also then when i met the love of my life. we shared the same vision and had the same goal but god had other plans for us so he took doug away to be his side. coming back to japan isn't something i planned for and to be frank, isn't something i wanted. while i looked happy exterior, i longed to be out there again. i guess you could say it was like a drug. i suppressed it, convincing myself to let myself learn new things. dad set my path to be a doctor when i was young and for the second time in my life, he set another path for me and i felt almost useless. winning the award made things smoother for me. it was a recognition that many finally accepted of me. it affirmed my position and status.

the now me, well, is something i want and not want to be. things are too easy for me to obtain. everything's laid out for me. but something's missing. perhaps that is why i decided to work on xmas. i missed those times when my sole purpose was definite.

sorry if this is too heavy for the festive season. ^^

IT WAS A BORING DAY AT WORK

workplace during noon and dusk.

GONE FOR A LITTLE WHILE

ok, i'll be off to work an i will be back in november.

see ya. :)

NEW DIRECTION

after much contemplation and talks with family and friends, i've decided.

tokyo is where i shall be at after sudan.

JUST AN UPDATE

now that i have a 'normal' job in nyc, i forsee consistent update on this blog. life so far was comforting. with oli around, one will never fret of getting bored.

for one, she introduced me poledance exercise and i'm already signed up for the beginner's class. we burn the tarmac at central park every alternate days. lunches and dinners are fun. saturdays are shopping trips and tourist-y stuff. oli was excited of the latter. funny that she's been in nyc for years and she has never gone to those tourist-y areas. we are likely head to sfo for the weekend to meet eddi up. :)

HERE I AM

oli's place is where i'll be parking myself in nyc. touched down in jfk aat 2145 last night and reached manhattan at 2230. work will start at 0900 august 6th.

DECIDED

i'll be posted to nyc this august for 8 months, instead of the planned deploy to east timor.

ALL IS WELL

i almost never update this blog when i'm deployed but i know not why i just feel like doing it today. coincidentally, he and i have some free time today so we spent the day quietly at the local hotel which was owned by a malaysian and they serve many malaysian dishes for dinner, which reminded me of mom so i utilised the business centre to skype her.
it's almost funny that how doug and i ended up here in sudan together. looking back, we've known each other since we were, what, 11? we were downright nasty at each other back then and luck had it that we were stuck in the same school and same class until year 11. even after then, when i was in tokyo, we did get casual updates about each other through mutual friends. i went for medicine so was he, but of a different kind. he was aiming for raamc. 5 years later without any contact, god made us meet again. it had to be the weirdest thing that happened in the weirdest place; afghanistan. it gave a whole level of meaning to 'love knows no boundaries' for us. also it made my first fieldwork easier because of him. fast forward, it's been a year since the fateful meeting and we are going strong. in between he's stationed home while i flew to sydney as often as i could. mysteriously, we got our deployment to sudan at almost the same time.
he had changed so much since i left for tokyo. he wasn't the boy i couldn't see eye to eye. instead he was absolutely charming and charismatic that literally swept me off feet. of course, the fact that i always get to see him in fatigues is a major plus point.
like today, he surprised me with a day trip to the hotel as his idea of pampering me. we are at the point where i know what he wants and he me. it is so comfortable to just talk to him without me hesitating over my choice of words and choice of topics. despite geographically-challenged, our life is simply blissful.

WHERE WE WILL BE AT

Khartoum, Sudan.

got this photo of khartoum from doug a couple of days ago along with some updates of the current situation over there. many asked me the same question; if i ever felt scared or worried for being posted for such high-risk area. the truth is, it doesn't. when you know the need and help is badly needed there and you know you can provide it, all the irrelevant emotions are beyond you. dugii and i feel that if it's time for us to leave this world, then it's time to go. god has plans for us. not many understand it but as long as we know what we want to do.

NYC.
truth be told, oli's been spoiling me. a lot. perhaps, too much. she kept me well-fed, well-entertained and well-indulged. now this will come as a big surprise to those who knew me since young. perhaps it's due to my experience in gaborone and kabul, everything is just too luxurious! i find it hard to accept how reckless we are with our freedom and capacity! i wish not to elaborate more for i'll get rants from you and you and you for being this way. :D

NYC IN SEPTEMBER

Hello. I'm back here again.

Where my dream started.

Where a large sum of my money will go to.


Where New Yorkers remember the heroes.

UNTIL THEN

thank you for making my vacation a memorable. i almost didn't wanna go. :)

my next deployment, pristina kosovo.

じゃ、また.

FIRST DEPLOYMENT

kabul, afghanistan.

this is where i will be at in 3 days' time. etd 1500 april 3rd. yes, tomorrow.

goodbye, civilisations.

INTENSE

things so far are great. classes and intensive trainings to attend. making new friends while adjusting my life in new york is a familiar yet strange experience.

i'm trying my best to do a lot of stuff while i'm still here. i'm telling you it's tiring!

hope you guys are doing great too.

NEW JOURNEY

hello new york! i've reached.

THE DIRT ON THE JOB

itinerary.

destination: new york.

date: march 17, 2005.

etd: 2100

destination: kabul, afghanistan

date: april, 2005.

etd: tba

a party is required before this date, ok!

PSST

i thought the first post was commemorative in conjuction of our graduation. my life will be chronicled here for seven of you to read. because i'll be away. yes, i got the job! sorry i break the news here but i just can't bother to repeat everything. please don't hate me.

more details soon.